Why do some people feel things need to be an “all or nothing” kind of a thing. Some parents shy away from trying something new just because they think they have to follow all the rules. At the moment, I am referring to Attachment Parenting, or AP as it is known in some circles. A lot has been written in the news lately about Attachment Parenting. Some are loving it and others are running the other way. I mean, if someone were to have told me that I have to be wearing or holding my baby 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, that would scare me away. I was already overwhelmed with keeping a crying baby happy and trying to sleep when the baby slept, as well as finding some time in the day when I could actually go to the bathroom for two minutes. Never mind, shower or cook dinner!!
So, the whole concept of “all or nothing” dogma that is sometimes reported in the news, or even yes, touted by some parents, would make me turn my nose up at attachment parenting. Here’s the thing though, it honestly does not have to be an “all or nothing” way of life. As in most things, we can create balance.
You can start off with one of the easiest ways to keep your baby close to you during certain times of the day. Babywearing! Yes, wear your baby.
Close to you so they can snuggle and smell you and feel your warmth and listen to your gentle sounds. Everyone knows that it is almost like magic that when a baby is crying and crying and cannot be settled on their own, what happens when you pick them up. In a few short minutes, the crying stops and they settle in the comfort of loving arms. Hands down! Some babies just like to hunker down, burrowing their head in your chest and to them it is like all of a sudden everything is right with their world.
See how babywearing goes for you and the baby. Introduce Dad and other family members to babywearing. Here is where the “all or nothing” comes in.
It does not always have to be you wearing the baby. And you don’t have to wear your baby all day and co-sleep all night. Their are many variations of the same thing. So, don’t be shy about it and try not to buy into the “if you hold your baby you will spoil them” nonsense. Babies love, want and need this connection. You cannot spoil them by wrapping them in a sling or wrap and keeping them close.
Great points here. Life with balance is so much better instead of always being all or nothing. It’s the old say, “There’s a time and place for everything”.
Lori, as with most things “all or nothing” is a myth. Thank you for getting the good word out there!
As someone who teaches about adult attachment and improving relationships I really appreciate the advice here to avoid “all or nothing” thinking. A couple years ago I was traveling through Guatemala and all the mothers of small children were using wraps. Despite the socioeconomic difficulties these families were facing their children were happy, bright eyed and well behaved. As humans, we need to be held, not constantly but regularly. Being held makes us more stable adults. Great post.
Thank you so much for all your comments. Rebecca Jorgensen, it is so nice to hear about your observations when you were traveling through Guatemala. It really does tell us that babies, all around the world, can benefit by being held close and that this is a normal way of parenting around the country.