So, while pain during childbirth is expected and we can work through it, pain during breastfeeding signals us that something is wrong and we should not have to use techniques to help us get through the pain each and every time you breastfeed. So, what do we do as new mothers when there are people around us who say that newborn breastfeeding pain is normal? My first thought is: Normal for who? And why? And for how long? And just because that was there experience, does not mean it has to be your experience also.
So, here’s the thing. My peer lactation consultants and I are pretty intense about teaching mothers that this should not be hurting. Why? Because frequently this means breastfeeding failure. You just discontinue offering your milk altogether, whether it be from the direct breast or from a bottle. Or you decide to exclusively pump and bottlefeed.
What is wrong with this picture? Well, it does not matter so much what I or someone else wants. What is wrong with this picture is that this is not what you had wanted.
You looked forward to the experience of holding your baby against your body, having them latch on and seeing them drink your milk,, directly from you. I strongly encourage mothers who are in this position to seek help from an experienced IBCLC. At least until you can get help, be sure to keep up your milk production with regular pumping and be sure to feed your baby as frequently as he/she desires, which is usually 8 – 10 feedings a day.
If the pump you are using is anything less than a hospital grade pump and you are finding that you are not making enough to keep up with your baby, I would encourage you to switch pumps, at least just temporarily, until you can get breastfeeding going well.
As lactation specialists, our mantra is:
1. Feed the baby ( even if it means temporarily with a bottle)
2. Protect the milk production ( regular and frequent milk removal)
As long as you are doing numbers 1 & 2, there is always lots of opportunity to work on your breastfeeding challenges, solve your issues and begin breastfeeding in comfort.
I like this article, but I’d like to say a few things. One, is there an option for lactation assistance for those who cannot afford a lactation consultant?
When I had my son, I was induced at 36 weeks, and could not breastfeed for two days, because I had to have emergency gallbladder surgery. I was meticulous about pumping and dumping during that time, and had adequate milk supply. Unfortunately, when I was allowed to breastfeed (all the anesthesia had left my system), the hospital lactation consultant (Scottsdale Healthcare – Shea) immediately wrote me off, saying my breasts were too large (G cup)and my nipples were too flat, and was more concerned about having me sign release paperwork saying she did her job. I was already in a fragile state of mind, with nurses hounding me because my preemie baby needed to eat. She didn’t mention that pumping could help stretch the nipple, or that I could use a nipple shield in the meantime if I had to. When I got home, I sought help of a lactation lady at Mother’s Milk Boutique in Scottsdale. She charged $100, but didn’t guarantee that the baby would be hungry or willing to work at our appt time. (I would’ve thought if the baby didn’t work, we could reschedule?) I couldn’t afford to spend that money on a one time chance. Luckily, one of my client’s daughters was studying to be a doula, and was willing to work with me and the little one’s schedule. I was able to latch successfully about two times. I ended up buying a nipple shield so my baby could at least eat. After three months of constant pumping, buying new shields at 11pm because we lost ours, many tears, fatigue, and stress, I finally gave it up. I felt like a failure as a mother (as I’m sure many women do). Sorry for the novel, but I wanted to voice that my experience with lactation consultants has made me lose faith. I felt like I was being pushed through a money system, and no one cared about the mental state of myself or the baby. I’m sure if I had a good consultant, I would’ve been happy to spend the money, but it was very “pay first, talk later”. I’m due in October with my second, and I’m determined to give it another go. I have done my own research and prepared my body for breastfeeding as much as I can, but I’d love to find out if there are more financially-conscious options.(payment plans, maybe?) I’m sure I’m not the only Mom out there who feels like a failure because of her inability to breastfeed.
Thanks for listening 🙂
Dear Leah:
Thanks for your detailed email. I appreciate you taking the time to make your comments as I think your questions and comments are common topics with new mothers. Each state, city, hospital, birthing center, etc. is different and it is impossible for me to keep up with the services they provide and what the cost might be.
In breastfeeding class or prenatal consults, I always tell mothers to take the time to check out their options before giving birth. While you are in the process of finding the right caregiver and place to birth, also inquire about what services they offer breastfeeding mothers. If you are not able to find what you need from one practice, one hospital, than expand your search.
Additional suggestions:
1. When choosing a care provider for your pregnancy, ask about access to an IBCLC ( International Board Certified Lactation Consultant.) As mothers, we need to factor in breastfeeding assistance as one of the items we have on our list when we choose a care provider. Some care providers have breastfeeding assistance included in their fee.
2. If you are registered with WIC, please call to make an appointment with their lactation consultant.
3. During your hospital or birthing center stay, be sure to utilize the option to meet with the lactation consultant. Find out how you can get help once you are discharged.
4. After discharge, plan on attending a breastfeeding mothers group if they have one. These groups are often facilitated by an IBCLC.
5. Your pediatrician’s office may have a lactation consultant on staff. This is a good question to ask when interviewing pediatricians.
As parents, we need to work hard at getting the services we need. So asking for what you need and choosing hospitals and physicians and birthing centers and midwives who offer what we need is like voting with our pocketbook.
It is important to note that lactation consultants who work for the above places are not providing services for free. While it may be free to you, they are being paid by their employer. A private lactation consultant is in business for herself and while she is passionate about her work, most have homes and families and mortgages and need to come home at the end of the week with a paycheck, just like the next person.
If you are unable to find help for free, I encourage you to seek help from a private lactation consultant. Yes, it will cost you, however, I have worked with many women who have learned to be creative with their lifestyle, finances and family and friends and have figured out ways to pay for some services that they might not otherwise have been able to afford. Generally speaking, I have learned that when parents realize they will be asking for help to pay for formula, they might as well as for help to see a lactation consultant.
Mothers have told me many ways in which they have been able to afford my services:
1. Moms who have already had a baby tend to be more practical the second time around. They ask for more practical items as gifts as they know they don’t need 20 blankets and 30 outfits. Mothers have put on their wish list a gift certificate to see a lactation consultant.
2. Moms have taken back some of the extra clothes or blankets or toys they have received and may never use. They use this cash to pay for a consultant.
3. Moms ask relatives to chip in and pay for a consult. I have worked with so many grandmas and aunts who have brought the new mother in for a consult and paid for them. I can tell you that nothing gives them greater pleasure than to see the new mother gain confidence and leave with a smile on her face knowing she is on her way to normal breastfeeding.
4. You can be a good friend to a new mother and chip in with others to get her a gift certificate to see a consultant.
5. Mothers have also told me that they just asked for a loan from a family member. Some have paid $10.00 a week until they paid it off.
I am speechless when it comes to learning about your experience at the hospital with regards to help with lactation. I have no answers for such poor treatment. I am very sorry that you had to go through such trauma during such a vulnerable time in your life. I have listened to mothers share stories about unpleasant visits with various care providers, not just lactation consultants. It is quite disheartening and I do feel awful. The best thing that mothers can do is get a referral from a friend who has received the help that they needed and been satisfied with the service they provided. I would say this goes for lactation consultants as well as pediatricians and obstetricians and midwives. It sounds like you are working towards the goal of preparing to succeed. I encourage you to ask questions, request referrals and connect with the consultant ahead of time. If you are comfortable doing so, my hope is that you will let us know how things go for you this time around. Warmly, Lori